funny jokes : funny hahaha

funny jokes

funny jokes : funny hahaha

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he’s going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ”I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general…and all in the name of humor!”

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ”You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”

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funny Joke

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”

“What?” said the puzzled groom.

“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”

“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”

“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”

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funny – Country Style

A city slicker shoots a duck out in the country. As he’s retrieving it, a farmer walks up and stops him, claiming that since the duck is on his farm, it technically belongs to him. After minutes of arguing, the farmer proposes they settle the matter “country style.”

“What’s country style?” asks the city boy.

“Out here in the country,” the farmer says, “when two fellers have a dispute, one feller kicks the other one in the balls as hard as he can. Then that feller, why, he kicks the first one as hard as he can. And so forth. Last man standin’ wins the dispute.”

Warily the city boy agrees and prepares himself. The farmer hauls off and kicks him in the groin with all his might. The city boy falls to the ground in the most intense pain he’s ever felt, crying like a baby and coughing up blood. Finally he staggers to his feet and says, “All right, n-now it’s–it’s m-my turn.”

The farmer grins. “Aw, hell, you win. Keep the duck.”

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Things to Say to Make a Woman Laugh

Things to Say to Make a Woman Laugh
Well if all men knew the things to say to make women laugh this world would then be called Utopia:-). The birds would be singing once again the sun would be shining and if my wife knew what I was writing right now in this article she would probably slap me on the back of my head so on a serious note lets get serious:-).
What to Say ? I think the question is not so much as what to say to women but rather how you say it and the actions you use when saying it. Now things are not only as simple as that. This is not an exact science after all all women are different which is the exact opposite of men where apparently all men are the same according to some women:-).
By the way that should have made you laugh. It’s ok men you can all laugh too!
Things that I have noticed that make women laugh. Well let me clarify on that again it’s not what you say that makes women laugh but how you say it when you say it in what manner you say it and the list goes on and on so instead I will try to give you an example.
Johnny who thinks he has a “special way with women” will approach his opposite sex and use a special planned routine that he calls “Johnnys full prove plan on how to get layed”. Putting on his full proof “Women magnet smile” he will slowly walk up to her and then finally when face to face with her might pull out some line or joke that he thinks is funny and then laugh at what he just said just to show how funny it was. well – She never thought he was funny.
Now Mike on the other side of the room is a little nervous. Mike is obviously not used to crowds. Especially when there are so many beautiful women around. Mike gets clumsy. He becomes accident prone. His words get all jumbled up. He sees a woman looking at him from the other side of the room. She is smiling at him. �Wow what now?� he thinks. Nervously he raises his hand to wave to her. At this point in time a waiter walks past him holding up a tray filled with wine glasses full of wine. Mike smacks his hand into the tray. The tray falls to the ground the glasses of wine shatter into tiny pieces. Wine gets sprayed everywhere. The women on the other side that was smiling to Mike has now got one of her hands in front of her mouth and is giggling. Mike looks back at her and is sheepishly laughing back while shrugging his shoulders. The women moves towards him and well you know the rest:-).

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15 Short Funny Quotes For Humor Month

15 Short Funny Quotes For Humor Month
April is “Humor Month” and the very first day of this very month is loved by pranksters and jokers everywhere. To honor this comical time of year we’re fondly revisiting fifteen short funny quotes that are sure to light smiles everywhere.
1. “The Internet is a great way to get on the Net.” ~ Bob Dole
2. “Ugliness is better than beauty. It lasts longer and in the end gravity will get us all.” ~ Johnny Depp
3. “On cable TV they have a weather channel – 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window.” ~ Dan Spencer
4. “When choosing between two evils I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.” ~ Mae West
5. “A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.” ~ Robert Frost
6. “There’s no half-singing in the shower you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.” ~ Josh Groban
7. “I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.” ~ Woody Allen
8. “Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn’t even the star of his own Halloween special.” ~ Chris Rock
9. “The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.” ~ Albert Einstein
10. “I never forget a face but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.” ~ Groucho Marx
11. “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” ~ Anonymous
12. “When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.” ~ Gracie Allen
13. “If at first you don’t succeed blame someone else and seek counseling.” ~ Erma Bonbeck
14. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So for today I have finished 2 bags of M&M and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” ~ Dave Barry
15. “Procrastination is like a credit card; it’s a lot of fun until you get the bill.” ~ Christopher Parker
Here’s to a wonderful Humor Month! I hope you’ve enjoyed these short funny quotes. May your April be filled with laughter (and may you be lucky enough to have fewer April pranks played on you than you play on others). Remember laughter is the best medicine and he who laughs loudest wins!

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